Pain is the Price We Pay to Feel
by beautyandrage
Summary: And the day came when remaining tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it was to blossom. Renesmee runs away to become who she wants to be, and not who she is told to be. Oneshot. RenesmeexJane.


A/N: So this is a crack!fic with a serious edge. I just always thought that Renesmee would be unhappy as Jacob's imprint. I mean, what if her vampire side mated? So this is a oneshot based on that what if.

,,,

Renesmee packs her backpack with slow hands. She has thought this through as carefully as she could, but she still feels irrational. Running away after everything feels absurd to her. But she _cannot _have this life. She _cannot _marry Jacob when she is a lesbian, regardless of his imprint on her.

She needs to escape and she needs to escape _now_. And the only logical place to go: Volterra.

Away from mom, dad, Rosalie, Esme, _Jacob_, the people who stifle her. Teenage rebellion _happens_, but she has to be a teenager _forever _through no desires of her own. She didn't _choose _to be born, and she does not fit the shoes that her mother and father want her to fill. She loves mom and dad. Dearly. But they will have to live with the fact that she is going to join the Volturi.

She stuffs the backpack to the brim. Mementos. Movies. Clothes. She does not necessarily know what _entails _joining the Volturi but Carlisle's _hoarding _problem makes her figure she can take a few prized possessions. She grabs the stuffed bear Grandpa Charlie gave her and presses it to her chest. She examines herself in the room.

"I look like a Victorian Orphan," she sighs, examining her clunky raingear and rail thin form. She looks _awful_, and it is mostly because of the several nights of no sleep. _More _reasons to become a vampire: she doesn't need to sleep. Everything she _misses _in the twelve hours she has to nap at night.

It was two years ago that Renesmee insisted on drinking exclusively blood. No more cheeseburgers and French toast. _Blood_. Because Renesmee _wants _to be a vampire. Maybe it is solely because she thinks becoming a vampire will repel Jacob and let him find love somewhere else. Because Renesmee Cullen does _not _like men. Jacob is wonderful; he has always been there for her.

Two weeks ago, Alice confronted her. She was doing her homework, looking frustrated. Alice smirked, clearly envisioning Renesmee doing _well _on the test, or so she would tell Renesmee. But quickly, the conversation changed.

"I want to talk to you. You know my visions can change when people change their minds. I need you to change your mind about joining the Volturi."

Renesmee's pencil snapped in half. "I-I wasn't planning on joining the Volturi."

"Well, I had a vision of that happening. I don't think you should. Are you not happy with everything we've given you?" Alice's tone of concern was more sickening than Rosalie's. Renesmee frowned into her math assignment.

"I'm not joining the Volturi."

But Alice's vision does not change. And Renesmee's future starts growing cloudy.

And here Renesmee is, ready to steal a car and go join the Volturi. She got plane tickets with the birthday money Carlisle showered her with. She lied about buying some _clothes_. Clothes, _as if_. She now heads out of the door, and drives due north. SeaTac is far away. Forks is out of the way of absolutely everything. You can't go to Seattle for salmon or Portland for Voodoo Donuts. It's a small town for hikers and recluses, and Renesmee will never truly be happy there.

It isn't as if _she _sparkles in the sunlight like some kind of _glow lamp_. It isn't that she dislikes her family, it's that they arranged a marriage for her based on Alice's half baked vision and Jake's weird _wolf senses_. Renesmee wants to be with girls, she wants to be a vampire, she wants to be _Carmilla _or a Nell Stark character. But her father hated the idea, and Renesmee wasn't about to tell Jake that he unfortunately imprinted on a lesbian.

The drive is endless, past trees, trees, trees. She wonders if Volterra has this many damned _trees_. And, finally, to the crowded airport. She plays with her ticket, walking through the gentle drizzle of rain. And she manages to make it through security with delightfully fake identification.

And the plane ride, quiet. She listens to music and tries her best not to cry. She will miss the Cullens. She _is _a Cullen. But she needs to find her own coven, even if they tried to kill her when she was a baby. It is all different now. They will make her a vampire because it will make their lives infinitely easier.

,,,

"The first person you changed was..."

"Female, yes. Now shh, Alec."

,,,

Renesmee is utterly confused once she gets onto a bus. She hopes she is going the right way, clutching a teddy bear to her chest. It has a little _cop _vest on it. She looks utterly ridiculous and she knows it. But she is _going _to join the Volturi if it is the last thing she does. She sleeps on the bus for hours.

"Volterra," comes a voice and Renesmee jumps about two feet at the word. Her sense are attuned to the level of a vampire, but she has the clumsiness of a human. She adds moments like these to the list she will present Aro with.

She gets off and starts walking. Now _how _to draw attention to herself. _That _is the question.

,,,

"And the Cullen girl said that your mate would be joining the Volturi."

"Yes, I'm sure she wasn't discussing, _Edward_, brother..."

"Rosalie. I completely think it will be Rosalie."

"It was more of a _warning_. I do not think the Cullens will take kindly to one of the Volturi mating with one of their own."

"And since when did you care about anyone's happiness but your own?"

"Shh, Alec."

,,,

Well, Renesmee simply cannot figure out how to find the Volturi. She can't simply just walk up to anybody and demand to be shown the vampires. How she even got herself to _Italy _stuns her. How she spent the night at Newark when her flight was delayed. A brief detour to the Albany Airport in the cold _snow_. More reasons why Renesmee should be a vampire; so she isn't so _cold _all the time.

"I think I know what you're looking for." She sees red eyes. That has to be a good sign.

"The Volturi."

"Don't say it so loud, you foolish girl," snaps the vampire. His eyebrow twitches. "Come on. You can't just be walking around."

"I don't _sparkle_." And he has no response to that. It does not occur to him that he is in the presence of that Cullen monstrosity, as Aro has taken to calling her.

"I'll take you to the tunnels."

,,,

"Good news," Aro says and Jane fights the urge to roll her eyes. It probably is _unfortunate _news for everyone but him. "The little Cullen monstrosity is in Volterra. Alice's visions aren't faulty."

"I'm still trying to figure out why she told you about that. The Cullens can't be happy about their little baby showing up here," Jane says, daring to take a tone with Aro that she usually would not. He shrugs.

,,,

"Alice, where is Renesmee?" scream five voices at once. Alice sighs and weighs her odds.

"I don't know." Her pink cheeks belie her words.

"Alice, you can't just _lie _to us. Where is she?" Edward growls like an animal. Alice chews on her lip.

"I talked to Nessie two nights ago and I think she's doing the right thing."

"_What _is the right thing?" And Alice's nostrils are filled with the scent of wet dog. Ick. Jacob continues with, "She's in danger and I _have _to rescue her."

Alice takes a slow, deep breath. "No, Jake, you _are _the danger. Renesmee was handed a pair of shoes, cute as they were, and told to walk. But she didn't fit in them. She told me she wanted to choose her own destiny. And... you aren't going to like this, but Renesmee has a vampire mate."

Jacob rips the dining room table in half and he and Edward are reduced to snarls for a few frantic moments. Alice stands, still and pretty in her Chanel slip, and clears her throat gently. Bella looks like she is about to vomit, Esme and Carlisle are out hunting with Emmett and Rosalie.

"Jasper, I could use a hand," Alice squeaks and the room calms. It is as if they all took a hefty dose of Xanax and even Bella looks less _green_.

"I didn't tell Renesmee the part about her mate. But as we know, mating for vampires is a powerful thing. And if it's anything like me and Jasper, I think this is good for Nessie─"

"It's not good for _me_!" Jake screams, his words so loud they are deafening. "She's my imprint! I can't have her go _mating _with a vampire!"

"This was bound to happen, Jacob," Jasper says calmly and Jacob growls at him. Alice feels another wave of Jasper wash through the room. "Renesmee doesn't like you. You may have imprinted on her, but she doesn't feel the same way."

And Jacob is gone. Bounding through the screen door in wolf form. Bella runs towards him, but Edward pulls her back. The couple crumbles into each other, melted, holding.

"You want _that _for Renesmee, Bella," Alice says, reaching to the only one who understands. "You don't want her to be forced into a marriage with a much older man she doesn't even love _just _because he imprinted on her. She can have what you and Edward have."

Bella purses her lips. Edward clenches his fists.

_They both know she is right._

"We have to get her back, though," Bella says and Alice slowly nods.

"If we can all behave like mature adults, we can go to Volterra─"

"Volterra?" Edward cocks an eyebrow. "Nessie, my daughter, is in _Volterra_?"

"Her mate is there!" Alice exclaims, frustrated. Jasper calms the room once more. She is starting to feel dizzy from the effects of his powers.

"Who _is _her mate, Alice?" Bella asks as Edward starts pacing forcefully.

"Jane Volturi."

,,,

Renesmee walks into the cold marble halls of the home of the Volturi.

"Welcome, I do love guests," Aro says, gesturing at the room around him. Renesmee smiles faintly; she does not know what else to do. "I don't happen to have any human food..."

"I don't eat human food. Only blood. I'll cut to the chase," Renesmee says and Aro is in no way used to being addressed to this way. "I want to be a vampire. Alice says my mate is here. I want to join the Volturi and be a vampire. I have a _gift_. _Double _the gifts. I'm definitely worth adding to your collection."

"Carlisle is going to be _so _cross with me." Aro is clearly deep in thought, but his lips have a strange, light smile on them. "Now who is this _mate _you keep discussing."

"Oh, look, it's the little half-human one. Aren't you in luck, Jane?" comes the voice of Alec, accompanied by the most beautiful blonde Renesmee has ever seen.

Starstruck. Hit by a comet. That is how Renesmee feels.

And Jane has to admit she feels the same way.

To Renesmee, this must be what Jacob felt when he imprinted on her. She thinks of the cold blonde who looks vaguely familiar, young and ruby eyed. She knows nothing about her, but suddenly, the world doesn't make sense. She is mated. It is beautiful.

They walk towards each other, cautiously. Aro applauds as Alec looks amused.

"Don't say anything," says the Volturi, and her lips touch Renesmee's.

This is the start of something incredible, Renesmee can feel it in her bones.

Jake told her a thousand times that nothing mattered but her. But when the cold, high, twisted voice of Jane Volturi says the same ones, Renesmee feels her body crumble.

Perhaps she was more vampire than human all along.

,,,

Bella arrives in Volterra and is met with painful memories of frantically racing to save Edward's life. And now she has to save Renesmee. Jake is currently being restrained by Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Esme. Alice and Carlisle are walking in long strides alongside Bella and Edward.

"This place is so _sunny_," Edward groans, tugging at his hood. His hand glints slightly in the light and he ducks beneath a veranda.

"I just had a vision," Alice says, joining them in the shadows. "And I don't think you're going to like it."

,,,

"So you'll take me to prom?" Renesmee asks, sitting on the unused bed in Jane Volturi's quarters. Jane is baffled by the girl. Her heartbeat racing, pulsating. But she smells like another vampire, not like a snack. The feelings she has for her are primal, sexual and romantic, and she knows nothing about her, except for the entire fiasco when she was a little baby. Which makes this mating even creepier, in Jane's opinion.

"What is... prom?" Jane asks hesitantly. This is... painful to her, and not in a pleasurable way.

"It's this dance. And Jake wanted to take me but I want _you _to take me," Renesmee says, grinning ear to ear. "You're really sexy, did you know that?"

"You're an awkward... whatever you are... aren't you?" Jane asks snidely, examining her mate with momentary distaste. She _is _beautiful; that is certain.

"And you'll change me and we'll have an _epic romance_ like the ones you read about," Renesmee continues and Jane swallows. As someone with a lifespan of infinity, she does not think that far ahead. Her mind doesn't jump to acts of bonds. Right now she is just trying to keep herself from either having sex with the girl on her bed or brutally torturing the entire ranks of her species.

"Look, I'm not there yet," is all Jane manages to say. The fact that she wants to _hurt _Renesmee but cannot bear the thought of Renesmee in pain is utterly baffling to her. This _mating _thing is needlessly complicated.

"Prom?"

"Okay, okay, we will go to _prom_."

It seems to satiate her guest.

,,,

"Hello, Aro," Carlisle says and he is greeted by warm arms. A kiss on both cheeks. Edward grits his teeth at Carlisle's affection for the monsters called the Volturi.

"It's a pleasure to see you. And on such a joyous day. Jane has found a mate."

Edward makes a growling in the back of his throat. Bella whimpers. Alice flashes a grin, as if that will make it all okay.

"I think," Alice says, speaking up, and Aro pays more attention to her than anyone else, "that this is healthier for Renesmee than making her the werewolf's mail order bride. In my opinion. Getting to know Jane could be great."

"_Jane_. Who _tortures _people. And _laughs_," Edward snarls at his sister. Alice shrugs.

"Edward, think about how you felt when you first mated with Bella. Think about your daughter feeling that. We were not happy about you mating with a human. That was just as dangerous as Jane. It's going to be awkward, but also super cute!" Alice says, clearly trying to get them to agree with her. Bella gradually does. Even if she imagined Renesmee with Jake... maybe this is better for everyone involved.

"I'll have to see it to believe it," Edward says, and right on cue, the two lucky ladies walk in. Jane looks exasperated; Renesmee has not stopped talking for two hours.

"Mom, dad, I'm in love and you can't stop me," Renesmee says, pointedly kissing Jane. Carlisle gulps.

"Like father like daughter," he murmurs to Alice and she snickers. Bella and Edward ignore them.

"When did you start liking girls?" Edward demands.

"I always have." Pause. "When I was born I had no choice but to be Jake's imprint. I had no choice but to be two things. And obviously my vampire side is saying something when I'm _mated _of all things. Please let me stay with Jane. _Please_. I'm an adult, you can't stop me!"

Carlisle pauses. Now is the time, he knows, to give his son a glance of consternation and explain to him, "Mating works in funny ways. Maybe we should let Nessie choose what her heart tells her."

"Her heart isn't telling her," Edward says.

"This is _exactly _what we went through with Bella," Alice says as Renesmee's sweaty hand squeezes Jane's cold one. The Volturi looks incredibly uncomfortable, frozen like a sculpture, only her piercing red eyes moving. "Let Renesmee choose. If she likes girls, which she does, you're just condemning her by forcing her to be an imprint. And once she's fully vampire..."

"Jake's imprint will fade..." Carlisle murmurs, the thought just occurring to him. When Renesmee can no longer reproduce, she will no longer be needed to continue the line of the werewolves. Getting Jacob to realize his relationship with Nessie is over could be... problematic.

"Jane is going to take me to prom," Renesmee says loudly and Alice giggles. "It'll be so fun!"

,,,

The pale moonlight glitters over the courtyard of Forks High School. Renesmee spins with Jane, as they have told each other a thousand secrets in a matter of days. The Volturi in the house was an unpleasant shock for everyone, but she promised to hunt in Seattle, and has held true to that. She may not value human life, or respect the Cullens remotely, but she will not lose her mate. It is engrained in her very core.

"Make me a vampire," Renesmee murmurs and Jane sways her.

"You already mostly are," she says softly, her breath tickling Renesmee's neck. It is cold, like her parents'. "But believe me, I will not delay my master if he were to demand. Your parents were most uncouth."

Renesmee rolls her eyes. "Stop using such old-timey words."

"I will speak properly, how I desire to speak, Renesmee Cullen," Jane snarls, but she smiles faintly.

They melt into each other, dancing. The music overcomes them as their lips touch. Kisses. Fangs against oversized canines. Hot, feverish skin against cold ivory. And there they are, two girls making out, everyone unaware that they are a vampire and a half-vampire, mated eternally.

"So Jacob and Leah finally got together," Renesmee says, breaking away from the passionate kiss.

"That is good for him," Jane says, half interestedly. She sways with Renesmee longer, enjoying the feeling of their bodies pressed against each other.

"And at the end of the school year my family is moving to Alaska. You can come," Renesmee says and Jane frowns.

"I have my duties to the Volturi. They are beyond all else important in my life. My gift isn't of much help unless it is being used to enforce law," Jane says, touching Renesmee's waist. They kiss again, this time, tongues intertwining. Renesmee leans into it, her heart fluttering.

"Maybe we should run away then."

Jane smiles faintly.

"Maybe."

They dance for the rest of the night, a very unlikely couple, forever intertwined.

,,,

A/N: This is a oneshot for now, but I would be open to continuing it if anyone is interested.


End file.
